Facing an Empty Nest: Grief, Growth, and Permission to Flourish

If you’re a woman in your fifties or sixties, you may be standing at the threshold of a quieter home. Maybe you’ve watched your children pack their bags for university, a new job, or an adventure in another city. Maybe, like me, you still have adult children living at home, but the rhythm of family life has changed. The reality of the “empty nest” is rarely as simple as the label suggests—but the feelings it brings are real, layered, and sometimes unexpectedly intense.

My Own Story: Letting Go, Again and Again

I’m not a textbook empty nester—at least, not yet. Two of my daughters, aged 20 and 25, still live at home. My son, however, moved interstate at 19 to study at university. For three years, he was gone except for semester breaks. Each time he flew back to uni, I cried—hard. It got easier over time, and then six months ago, he moved back home. At the time it was a shock for both him and me. Me - because he would leave his laundry everywhere and him, because he was back in his childhood home with his mum asking where he was going at night. Now, six months later, he’s about to move interstate again. I suspect I’ll cry just as hard this time.

Even with my daughters still under my roof, the house feels emptier than it used to. They have busy lives, jobs, friends, and interests that don’t require me in the way they once did. Some days, when they were little, I longed for quiet. Now, there are so many quiet days and nights that the silence sometimes feels heavy.

I’ve learned that the empty nest isn’t a single event—it’s a series of small goodbyes, shifting roles, and new beginnings for everyone in the family.

The Emotional Reality: Grief, Loss, and Growth

The transition to an emptier home can bring up a surprising mix of emotions. For some, there is relief and even joy in reclaiming space and time. For others, there’s a deep sense of loss, sadness, or even a questioning of purpose and identity. Studies show that about 41% of parents feel sad when children leave home, while 51% feel happy or relieved. Many of us feel both, sometimes in the same day.

For mothers—especially those who have been primary caregivers, single parents, or who have invested a significant portion of their identity in raising children—the adjustment can be especially intense. The end of daily parenting can feel like the end of an era, and it’s normal to grieve that loss, even as you celebrate your children’s independence.

What Helps: Acknowledgement and Support

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to acknowledge and express my grief. Even if others don’t seem to understand, your feelings are valid. Upset parents may find few sources of support or sympathy, because an adult child moving out is seen as a normal, healthy event. But the grief of empty nest syndrome is real, and it deserves recognition.

Reach out to friends, family, or even a professional if you’re struggling. I found comfort in talking to my sister, who had been through it and realising I wasn’t alone. Sometimes, just having someone say, “I get it,” can make all the difference.

The Role of Self-Compassion

Raising kids—especially as a single mother—was the most important job I’ve ever done. I gave it my all, and I did it well. Now, it’s my time. I remind myself that caring for myself is not selfish; it’s essential. In fact, by living a full and active life, I’m role modelling for my children what aging can look like: vibrant, engaged, and unapologetically self-nourishing.

If you’re feeling guilty about wanting more for yourself, remember: you wouldn’t expect anyone else in your life to be selfless all the time, so why expect it of yourself? You don’t need anyone else’s permission—just your own.

Setting New Boundaries

As our children become adults, the boundaries in our relationships also need to shift. This isn’t just helpful for us, but also for them. Adult children need space to make their own decisions, learn from their mistakes, and celebrate their successes. Setting healthy boundaries—about time, space, and emotional energy—gives everyone room to grow.

I’ve found that regular, intentional check-ins— over coffee, dinner, or a walk —are more meaningful than hovering or trying to stay involved in every detail of their lives. It’s a new kind of closeness, one that honours their independence and my own. We still have ‘family meetings’ when problems arise, but they feel more like they would in a shared house than a mother telling her children what to do.

Filling the Space: Rediscovering Yourself

The empty nest can feel like a void, but it’s also an invitation. Many women find that, after the initial wave of sadness, there’s a sense of freedom and possibility. Research shows that 74% of Australian empty nesters appreciate extra time, 68% say their financial position has improved, and 41% exercise more. Some turn children’s rooms into creative spaces, travel, or reconnect with old friends.

For me, it’s been about rediscovering passions that had been on the back burner: reading, learning, writing, and building a community with other women “north of midlife.” I’ve learned to see this time not as an ending, but as a new chapter—one that’s still being written.

Permission to Flourish

If you’re navigating an empty nest, know that you are not alone, and you are not finished. This is your time to flourish, on your own terms. You don’t need anyone’s permission to pursue joy, connection, or meaning—just your own.

If you’re ready to explore what’s next, or if you’re struggling to find your footing in this new chapter, reach out. Sometimes, a conversation or a supportive group can make all the difference.

You’ve given your children roots and wings. Now it’s your turn to soar.

If you’re looking for support, community, or inspiration as you navigate life after fifty, my Life On Your Terms program is designed for women just like you—women ready to create a life that feels meaningful, connected, and uniquely their own. Learn more here.