Lessons from my grandmothers #1

I’m fortunate that longevity runs in my family. It allowed me the opportunity to have older women in my life for a very long time: two grandmothers and a great grandmother. I was 17 when the first one died and 53 with the last. That gave me a lot of years to learn from these unique and wonderful women. Although they lived different lives, in very different times, these three taught me almost everything I know about what ageing looks like. Retirement was part of the experience of ageing but looking back on their lives, it is clear that even in their time, retirement was not just one thing.

Their stories told me that how we experience ‘retirement’ depends on one’s circumstances.

For women who have not been in paid work, their lives are impacted by the partner’s retirement. This can be a mixed time. For some women, the routines of their lives are upended by the change in circumstances.  They find it hard to adjust to the expectations on their availability after many years of running their own show.

Retirement can happen more than once. Kit loved working and was rewarded with leadership opportunities and monthly TV appearances. It was hard for her to retire but it was even harder for her employer who didn’t have anyone else quite like Kit. After two attempts, she finally retired at 75.

Some women never really retire from their caring commitments. Mary Anne had a son who, these days we would say, had autism. He lived with her his whole life, except for a short period, and was unable to look after himself. He could probably have lived more independently, but in those times boys/men didn’t do much around the house if there was a woman to look after them. There are many women in the situation of having caring responsibilities at this stage of life whether it be grandchildren, disabled children, a partner, or a parent.

Where I have landed

The lesson I took from my family members is that retirement can be shaped by many different factors including whether you have had a job to retire from, whether you want to retire, whether you have caring responsibilities or whether you or others in your family have good health. My family is just one set of stories and experiences and I’m sure you have your own. Think of the women in your life. What factors have shaped their ‘retirement’ experience? What can you learn from them?  

Our group programs support women planning their retirement.